Showing posts with label missionaries must suffer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label missionaries must suffer. Show all posts

Monday, June 21, 2010

At least we've only been in exile 40 days, not 40 years

I know it has been awhile. Believe me when I say, with absolute certainty, there is a very good reason for it.

Basically--Monty Python started directing my life, so things don't make too much sense anymore.

FOR EXAMPLE: Do you know what I have been thinking about a lot lately? FIRE MARSHALLS.

The subject of a Fire Marshall is so random it could be a Family Guy joke. Usually, in the past, when I have thought of Fire Marshalls, I've thought of them as people who were loveably zealous about safety. At their most noble, they truly care about Saving Lives and Protect People from Dangerous Situations.

Of course, I wasn't completely idealistic. I figured there were a few lazy people who just signed papers and stayed in the buracracy. Or, you know, Fire Marshall Bill.


LET ME SHOW YA SOMETHIN!

But alas, those days of careless bliss could not last forever.

A little over a month ago, I suddenly got a call from Jennie, our community liason.

Jennie: Hey, Amanda. Listen, the Fire Marshall just came in and said that we can't stay in the church. We have to be out by tonight.

Me: Um...buhWHU?

The rest of the day was spent in a hazy blur of panic, trying to find somewhere to live, and blinding rage.

APPARENTLY, the plan that was sent off to the state and gotten approved by the State Fire Marshall and worked on was NOT OK with the Local Fire Marshall. No, now for people to live in the church, we have to have Fire Doors and Special Handrails and Sprinklers Everywhere and asdlaf;wlgihawet#$YW$E%U#@%&@45y

(BTW, the building is like solid concrete. In case anyone was wondering.)

SO! Eight people who work at a church and a HOME FOR WOMEN have now been displaced from their homes. Oh irony. Please. You slay me with your great ironicness.

I'm tired as hell and cranky and frustrated and have been living in a suspended sort-of reality for like a month. And my mental image of a fire marshal has gone from this:

I will save kittens!

To this:

I think it's time to say goodbye to Prince A-Boo-Boo...

So THAT, good people, is why I have been non communicative. Or, if we have been communicating, why I've been a jerk to you--I've been sleeping on a mattress set up on a floor in a giant room with seven other people. It does not. make. me. happy.

Lots of wonderful things have happened as well! But for now, this definitely makes the best blog post.

Also, I deeply hope "Prince Ali" is now stuck in your head. You're welcome.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Math

Homesickness
+ Month-Long Cough that makes singing impossible
+ Non-working trumpet
+ Gulf Coast Oil Spill
+ disgusting hot sticky weather
+ dead car battery
= One Sad Freaking Amanda

Monday, December 14, 2009

My Weekend

SATURDAY


ME: GOOOO APPLACHIAN!

SKY: (rains)

ME: Let's go to a restaurant and watch the game!

ROOMMATES: Um...there's a game?

ME: APPALACHIAN DON'T YOU KNOW?!?!?!

(Drives to Wit's Inn, a restaurant/bar up the road.)

ME: (noms pizza, watches game.)

SKY: (deluges)

ME: Um...there's a lot of water on the porch.

JENNIE: There's a lot of water on the road, too.

CAR: (floods)

ME: OMG MY CAR!!!!!!!!!!!

ROOMMATES: Gasp!

RESTAURANT EMPLOYEES: Well that sucks. At least you can watch the game!

RESTAURANT: (floods)

APPALACHIAN FOOTBALL TEAM: (loses)

ME: (leave my car there, go to Hagar's House, watch cars flood on street.)

SUNDAY

ME: (walk to Wit's Inn to get my car.)

CAR: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!?!?!?!?

ME: I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry please work.

CAR: (cranks)

ME: YAAAY!!!

(Drives to the church, water sloshing about inside the car.)

CAR: (pulls into driveway. Dies.)

ME: Oh noes!!!

(Texts all roommates for help.)

Five of Eight Roommates who responded to an 8:30 AM text on a Sunday Morning: "Here I come to save the day!!!!"

(Push car into parking space)

ME: (Fills a shop-vac full of water from my backseat.)

CAR: Why does she hates us, precious?